jim, me

i am back!

2007-07-18T22:28:00.000+08:00

after a while starying away from blog, i am finally back. I will post some more stuff here soon!

2005-03-13T19:55:00.002+08:00

My lovely weekend

first of all, I must express my deepest apology for my recent apathy on blog. Having ten exciting books on my desk simply draws away my attention from the laptop. I haven't touched my laptop for some days. Those are the books I always want to read and how I am having them. Since they are loaned by inter-library loan service, I have to return them to the British Library in a month time, if no recall is made within this meagre period. Chandra and I have been planing to get the British library card for quite some times but we never seem to find a suitable time, or we are just being dismotivated by the fact that we can't actually borrow books out of the library building.

I am just back from a pub near chinaik's house. Before that, we had a chinese hotpot (or steamboat) with chicken and Tomyam soup. It was such a relaxing time. Weekends, how I appreciate them; no traffic, no somewhat burdening political topics at lunch time, no obligatory reports. Everything is going easy at the lovely weekend. Sadly going easy isn't parallel to going slowly in this context. I soon find myself sitting in the familiar table at dinning room in Monday morning, stuffing the ordinary british breakfast into my mouth without actually tasting it, rushing to the bus stop, and sometimes, only to see bus no 43 pass by the bus stop across the street. Damn it!

2005-03-13T19:55:00.001+08:00

My lovely weekend

first of all, I must express my deepest apology for my recent apathy on blog. Having ten exciting books on my desk simply draws away my attention from the laptop. I haven't touched my laptop for some days. Those are the books I always want to read and how I am having them. Since they are loaned by inter-library loan service, I have to return them to the British Library in a month time, if no recall is made within this meagre period. Chandra and I have been planing to get the British library card for quite some times but we never seem to find a suitable time, or we are just being dismotivated by the fact that we can't actually borrow books out of the library building.

I am just back from a pub near chinaik's house. Before that, we had a chinese hotpot (or steamboat) with chicken and Tomyam soup. It was such a relaxing time. Weekends, how I appreciate them; no traffic, no somewhat burdening politica topics at lunch time, no obligatory reports. Everything is going easy at the lovely weekend. Sadly going easy isn't parallel to going slowly in this context. I soon find myself sitting in the familiar table at dinning room in Monday morning, stuffing the ordinary british breakfast into my mouth without actually tasting it, rushing to the bus stop, and sometimes, only to see bus no 43 pass by the bus stop across the street. Damn it!

2005-03-13T19:55:00.000+08:00

My lovely weekend

first of all, I must express my deepest apology for my recent apathy on blog. Having ten exciting books on my desk simply draws away my attention from the laptop. I haven't touched my laptop for some days. Those are the books I always want to read and how I am having them. Since they are loaned by inter-library loan service, I have to return them to the British Library in a month time, if no recall is made within this meagre period. Chandra and I have been planing to get the British library card for quite some times but we never seem to find a suitable time, or we are just being dismotivated by the fact that we can't actually borrow books out of the library building.

I am just back from a pub near chinaik's house. Before that, we had a chinese hotpot (or steamboat) with chicken and Tomyam soup. It was such a relaxing time. Weekends, how I appreciate them; no traffic, no somewhat burdening politica topics at lunch time, no obligatory reports. Everything is going easy at the lovely weekend. Sadly going easy isn't parallel to going slowly in this context. I soon find myself sitting in the familiar table at dinning room in Monday morning, stuffing the ordinary british breakfast into my mouth without actually tasting it, rushing to the bus stop, and sometimes, only to see bus no 43 pass by the bus stop across the street. Damn it!

2005-03-06T23:13:00.000+08:00

05 March 2005: London, the biggest European city

I have been here in a big city for more than a month. Except for the different weather (which I like so much) and beautiful architectures, my daily life is almost the same routine as when I was in Malaysia: I get into and back from university. My hostel is a miniature United Nation, with people from all over the world, so as my school. Everything (culture especially) is so mixed up that it hardly projects an image of a European life. I don’t really feel like living in the biggest city in Europe. In fact, I don’t even feel like being in Europe at all.

Today I went out shopping again. While usually it was window shopping, this time I bought a hooded jumper (with zip) which I wanted to buy so much with an amazingly cheap price. Without hesitation I paid the ten quid and put on the jumper. It looked so nice and warm too. I did not wear enough clothes when we got out this morning because it was sunny and the weather seemed warm. But as soon as we got off the bus at Wood Green, the weather changed dramatically. When we were on the way to Camden Town, it started sleeting. This lovely jumper did keep me warmer along the journey. Camden Town is like Malaysia’s night markets, except it is open from day to night. It has all sorts of fancy stuff ranging from ordinary garments and food to out-of-the-space-liked fashion and sex toys. There is also a canal whose water was frozen at certain parts. There I found the same jumper I bought and it was a penny cheaper! What’s more, it had the word “London” on it! Anyway it is indeed a good place for a real shopping as it is cheap.

Then we took a bus to Covent Garden. There was a huge throng of people, getting away from their daily boring jobs for a relaxing weekend. In the sea of people, we saw a lot of shows going on in this lively garden. The first funny show (maybe there is a better word) was about a man who painted himself and his bicycle gold. He stood motionlessly, holding the bicycle’s handle. At a first glance, I thought it was a statue. But when a kid threw some pence into the bicycle’s basket, the man rang the bell and made a jerky movement. We squeezed through the crowd to another street show. This time it was about a man who tried to set himself free from being fastened by a chain. The escaping part was not particularly interesting, but he was hilarious and told funny jokes. Then we came to a café where a soprano and a tenor were performing. They were singing with a European language which made no sense to me. Yet I was kind of entranced by the beautiful voices. The atmosphere felt exactly like what I had in mind about how a European city should look like. It was before long I begun to find myself living in London, a truly European city.

2005-03-06T04:47:00.000+08:00

We are the Hero
Jim 03 March 05

As I am feeling great,
Working toward my dream;
As I am contented and pleased
With what I am pursuing,
I front the blank screen,
To myself I speak,
“What I’ve done is great!”

My reflection winks
And flashes a sarcastic grin.
And I start to realise and see!
I am so small and inconspicuous;
My existence is too trivial;
I am too weak to be influential
To do something worth mentioning.

Yet, when I look at myself closely,
I understand something –
I am not here for no reason.
In fact, we are all meant
To be here to serve a purpose,
Not matter how small it might be.

We are as if a little bit of colour
In a big colourful canvas.
Some of us paint it with blue of love;
Some with grey of grief ;
Some with red of enmity;
And some with white of peace.
As tiny as it is,
Our little imprint
Is what makes this wonderful painting
Truly wonderful!

2005-03-01T04:05:00.000+08:00

27 February 2005: Beyond London, an old city.

I was a bit disappointed when Gerald told me he was not joining us despite his initial enthusiasm on the trip. Well, his reason was quite understandable: his dad had yet to send him the money. He even showed me the balance of his bank and I could see he really felt sorry for this. But the bunch of Korean girls did not show up in the morning at breakfast time. I called one of them and was told they were all not going. It was FINE for breaking their promise, if they did bother to apologise. But when I came back for dinner that night, they were having their meals, joking so happily as if nothing had ever happened, even I swore some of them saw me entering the dining room. They pretended that I was transparent. Luckily we did not book the ticket in advance! Anyway, I would NEVER invite them again.

Except for those Korean girls, the trip was absolutely fun. Not even having our hot breakfast, Amanda and I headed for Victoria tube station where we were supposed to meet Chinaik and he was already waiting for us by the time we reached there. We rushed to the Victoria Coach Station and hopped onto the coach. The return ticket for students cost £9. It would have been a lot cheaper (around £2) if we booked the ticket ahead! However it was still worth the price. The coach soon sped beyond London, and it was my first time to be out of London, wahoo! The coach passed by a lot of cool places: farm-like areas with lego-like houses (it might be a real farm, but we didn’t know) and some hills covered by snow (it was such a pretty view). After one and half hour (I think), we reached the terminal of Oxford City. The first impression it gave me was that it was REALLY old, much older than London. It was like the city was built at around 12th century. There were quite some universities and colleges which looked like an ancient chapel and we got into two of them to find out that the architecture was identically magnificent! We even got a chance to see the dining room and whew, it looks like the dining room in the Harry Potter movie! Though we, as an outsider were not allowed in the room, I couldn’t help sneaked in and had Amanda took a photo. The camera flashed (gosh I forgot to turn it off) and some students inside must have seen us! We rushed out the college as fast as we could before someone stopped us.

We then walked to a huge church (with spire) to get some warmth as it was snowing outside. The Sunday service was just about to finish as we heard graceful music. There was a souvenir store in front of it selling all sort of oxford stuff, mostly the merchandises from Oxford University. You couldn’t imagine how commercialised Oxford University was, as you could see their products everywhere in all forms; jumpers, jackets, badges, pens, postcard, you name it! I saw a brilliant hooded jumper which I wanted to buy so much! It was dark green and had the university’s badge on it, and it wasn’t too expensive, tagged £19.90. I hadn’t got the bursary yet from my university, so I decided that I would buy Cambridge’s instead next time. I bet they were as commercialised as Oxford too. Ah, I forgot to mention that to visit the university campus, you need to pay a handsome sum of £6! That explained why we did not get in there. (I heard Cambridge is free)

Then we went into a small alley in between two buildings and came to a hobbit-like world. Everything looked like as it they were built for little people; tiny doors and small corridors. We bowed ourselves into a pub and it was so narrow that we got out almost immediately. Along the way out the hobbit settlement we came across a beautiful castle. The sky was threateningly dark, making it look like a haunted castle (it would have been even more scary if some ravens were soaring in the sky). The sky turned into a cheerful blue when we reached a botanic garden. I knew, it was winter time, yet the garden was surprisingly pretty and well kept. There are all sorts of trees, and they even have tropical plants in a green house. A funny thing I could’t help mentioning here was that some parts of the river in the garden were actually frozen! (the temperature must have been zero or minus degree) Chinaik mischievously trampled on the frozen water on the bridge and made some funny cracking sounds.

In fact we went to a lot of awesome places, but I was so tired to describe them all. You could take a look at my webshot website for the photos. On our way back to the bus terminal, a tree caught our eyes. It had pink flowers on it, yes it looked like sakura and it was so conspicuous in the grey and white environment at winter time. We took a lot of pictures of the tree, and old man who passed by even smiled at me. ^_^ I must have looked so overjoyed with this view. Soon, we got extremely tired because of the cold weather and merciless winds. We decided to go home (did I just say home!). It was kind of awkward to have said “let’s get back home to London”. Yea, I guess London (and specifically Chester house) is becoming more of less like a home now…

2005-02-24T17:09:00.000+08:00

22 February, Tuesday: Snow

Snow was falling at Muswell Hill.
White little flakes drifted from
The grey heaven up above.
I stared outside the window,
And was at once mesmerised
By the waltzing snowdrifts
At the stage of the night sky.

I opened the door to the balcony;
The little wandering dancers
Wandered into the room.
My heart leapt in unusual excitement;
It was such a nice spectacle.
The lawn, shrubs and trees
Were painted white as if by magic
Cast by the pure white artists.

I woke up the next morning
And found myself in the world of dream;
A world with only white and silver.
Had the snowy night musical
Brought heaven down to earth?
The small little town of Muswell Hill
Was never so pure, innocent and clean.

2005-02-23T04:23:00.000+08:00

20 February, Sunday: a brief summary

I was so lazy to write lately. I was engaged with all academic papers!
So let me summarise everything.
First I bought a phone…not really bought it, I signed a contract with a mobile network operator for a year and got the phone free. It was a LG flip phone (wow, I finally got a flip phone!!!!!). well, it does what a phone should do, although the camera quality is expectedly bad. Anyway, I just got a new dell desktop in my room on Tuesday, and that means I don’t need to carry my bulky laptop to school anymore. Yohoo! But, but, but! I am not allowed to install anything in it by myself! It is such a waste for giving me a good PC with 150GB hard disk space!

I never found Malaysian food so delicious before! I am now addicted to the Malaysian restaurant, Kampung, in which Chinaik is working. Every weekend, I feel like going there for dinner. Last Friday, I went there with two friends. The Korean girl liked the food as much as (if not more than) I do! She revisited there again with her friends the next day! But it was close! Poor thing…

2005-02-20T23:38:00.000+08:00

10 February, Tuesday: for Amanda

A girl from the other side of the globe
Goes to a little town in London;
Her smile is so sweet
And when she speaks,
The flowers bloom at the winter time.

A sketch book is always in her hand
Which is full of her dreamy thought.
She reads stories faster than the rapid tube
And when she laughs,
Winter will never come again.

Today is a special day;
It is when she gains an age.
To her I give the utmost happiness,
For her name is Amanda Tveidt.

Birthday wishes from Jim

2005-02-19T23:41:00.000+08:00

10 February, Tuesday: Shulaibao

It was Chinese New Year eve.
I was stuck in the big city
With pile of papers in my office.
I wanted to flee, I wanted to flee.

I took a day off at New Year
And went to a Chinese eatery.
Roasted duck was so tasty.
Yet my feeling was strange and peculiar.

The second day of the Rooster year
Rain was falling mercilessly.
The traffic at Central was so messy.
I was damn tired, I was damn tired.

2005-02-18T05:51:00.000+08:00

6 February, Sunday: The Natural History Musuem

I once thought I could get rid of it.
But I was just too naïve.
Will it torment me
For my entire life?

One week past like lightning! I couldn’t believe I had already started my school for a full whole week. It was indeed fun to be in school again as a full time student. Well, the role of a research student might be (and is indeed) different, I enjoy it a lot! And like other weekends, I hung up with my friends. This week we went to the Natural History Museum and blimey it was super fun! It exhibits a lot of specimens of animals including dinosaurs!! It was a huge collection of dinosaur skeletons and I loved them all so much. I can’t wait to visit another museum next weekend.

2005-02-11T17:20:00.002+08:00

3 February, Tuesday: buses on diversion

Those who despise their own kinds deserve no respect from nobody.

The prologue line has nothing to do with today’s blog. I got fed up with the traffic and decided to change the timetable myself from 10am-5pm to 9am-4:30pm. That was indeed a wise move. I suffered less traffic congestions now. Thanks God. By the way, I heard that British general election is coming soon. That’s what the construction near Angel is about. Damn it!

2005-02-11T17:20:00.001+08:00

2 February, Wednesday: Horrible traffic

The traffic problem had to be solved! I seriously could no tolerate with it anymore. There was a damn road block at Highgate that the whole mess mercilessly prolonged my journey to two and half hours! It was horribly horrible! Nothing could haunt me more than sitting in a vehicle for more than an hour; in fact one hour was enough to throw me up. I needed to readjust my working time…

The car stopped at the middle of street;
No one gave a damn.
For everyone was doing the same.
When could I reach my school then!

2005-02-11T17:20:00.000+08:00

1 February, Tuesday: School starts

My first day at school was fun.
My supervisor was very kind and helpful.
He helped me with the procedures and gave me some assignments.
The other students were nice to me, too.
But, the traffic in Central London was horrible.
I was so tired…

2005-02-09T03:50:00.000+08:00

30 January, Sunday: Home

Papa, mama, where are you?
A cry of a child at Muswell Hill.
Where his home is, he knows it still,
Returning home is far from real.

***

If time could be paused
And was never to move again,
I wish it stopped eternally
At the day in the airport.

Yet I could no longer go back,
Having time stopped is thus meaningless.

如果时间可以停顿下来，
然后从此不再行走，
我希望它永远停留在那一天的机场。

可是我已经无法回到那一天，
时间停止也没意义了。

Maybe Chinese New Year was looming, the feeling of homesick was tensing. What had happened in this week, how I hoped it was just a dream; when I woke up, I would be in my small room in Pantai Remis again. But no matter how many times I shut my eyes and reopen, I was still in the stranger’s land. I did it a couple of times every morning, partially wishing that everything was unreal. “Unfortunately”, it was so real; the fact that I was thousands of miles away from my home was just too real. I knew no one made me here; it was I, I asked for it! No matter how hard it would be, I should bring it to a beautifully ending!

Roaster New Year was swallowed up by London.
I want to go home for the celebration.

今年的农历新年被伦敦吃掉了。
好想回家哦！

2005-02-08T03:24:00.001+08:00

29 Jan, Saturday: Poem lovers

I was getting nervous and nervous nowadays. My school was going to start next week!! My life here had become so customary that I didn’t feel like I was in a foreign country anymore (that meant I got bored of this place!). No more excitement over the weather, no more eagerness about the idea of wearing a scarf, no more child-like screaming actions when seeing snow. I did not expect my excitement lasted less than a week. And when all these fancies about this land were over, I started to miss my home. I wanted to go home!!!

Anyway, we (Thyer and I) finally found Alexandra Park. There was a motor exhibition there but the ticket cost £14!!!!! That was killing me (I did not go of course, I was not a big motor racing fan after all). Then we decided to go to Tesco. Nothing sexy about the store; a huge crowd since it was Saturday, cheap fresh milk, expensive fruits, blah blah blah. I bought a packet of grapes, Jammie Dodgers (the biscuit), a mug, bath crème and washing powder; all cost me only £3.47. Cheap huh?

When I came back, it was lunch time (lunch was provided at weekends). After the conventional lunch, I went to the laundry with Gerald, the Singaporean so that he could show me how to operate with those machines. At night, Amanda and I went to each other’s room and read poems. It must have been a shame showing my poems to Amanda. I had a great time though.

2005-02-08T03:24:00.000+08:00

27 Jan, Thursday: Barnet Library

It was no good. It was my fifth day here and I was just loafing around most of the time in the hostel. I wanted to go out to anywhere, especially today, as I knew my room was in the cleaning schedule. For an unknown reason, I didn’t want to stay in the room when the cleaner knocked on my door. So after taking the breakfast I quickly rushed out my room (the cleaners were already cleaning some other rooms). I had no idea where I should go, so I chose a road I never went before. At previous night I heard someone saying that Tesco was somewhere at the west (or was it east?) of the hostel so I just followed that direction. They told me it was near but I walked for like half an hour but saw only a very small supermarket. I kept walking and lucky for me, I found a library. Barnet library at London Borough was really small. There weren’t many books and it had got five computers for the patron’s use. There was also a small cellar for kids younger than 13. I was so happy to know that I needed not put my bag into the locker before entering the library like I did in Malaysia. In fact there wasn’t any locker either. I applied for the library card (free of charge) and borrowed two books on poetry.

In the afternoon, I went to the TV room and met a girl, Pamela, from Sri Langka. We later played the pool game with Hwang, the Korean girl. Every afternoon passed without much happening. After the dinner I saw Amanda at pay phone. She talked a lot about herself. She was indeed a book fan! Like me, she preferred reading and writing. Guess what, she loved poetry too! Now I found a lot of interests we shared. Anyway she was studying for only one term here, and would be going somewhere else after four months, probably China or Japan...

2005-02-05T23:21:00.000+08:00

26 Jan, Wednesday: Need a change of life?

Dinner time came as usual. Staying in the hostel alone (while the others went to school) was rather boring as I had nothing much to do. Dinner time was the only time I found enjoyable because this was when I mixed with a lot of people. I went to the dining room and immediately recognised the Singaporean I met at the previous night (Gosh! I forgot his name again! Was it Gerald). We sat at the same table as we did last night and soon the same group of people filled up the seats; Emely the Taiwanese and Dominik the German. I knew some names were spelled wrong but this was the best I could do. I didn’t remember the names for the rest. After I stuffed my stomach full, I walked around the hostel and saw Ami the Japanese in front of the office. We talked about going out on Thursday with Asami but unfortunately Asami had other plans on that day. Then I followed them to the dining room to plan an outing at another day but it ended up to be “let’s decide later.”

Greg the Polish (wrong spelling again I supposed) joined us when Asami was leaving the room. He was doing law in Unversity College of London (wow! A very famous school in London) but was surprisingly amusing and funny. I thought law students were all book worms (sorry for offending). He loved clubbing and shared some experiences with us. He invited us to join them this weekend but I was not sure if I would like it. It sounded interesting though. Perhaps I should give it a try…

2005-02-03T19:14:00.000+08:00

26 Jan, Wednesday: The wind of fortune

Yesterday night after the dinner with a group of Japanese and Korean, I went to the office to pay my hostel fees, and asked Allison (not the Allison in my univ.) about the bank stuff, barely wishing she could help.

“Yea, it could get very difficult sometimes.” She said, counting the traveller’s cheques I had given to her. “But what we can do is to write a letter to confirm your stay with us.”

Wasn’t it the same as what City Univ. had done; to confirm my address? Seriously I didn’t put much hope in this letter.

Perhaps I was too tired yesterday, I got up late this morning. After brushing my teeth (not even washed my face!) I joined Amanda in the dining room and had a quick but plentiful breakfast.

“I must eat more and be strong enough to fight those annoying banks!”

I sprinted to Muswell Hill Broadway, where I located a Natwest and HSCB branch, only to find out that banks open at 9:30am on Wednesday. So I took a saunter around the place; Muswell Hill was indeed a lovely place, it had got a big beautiful chapel. I was in front of HSBC when my mobile phone was showing 9:30am. I hesitated to walk in. HSBC… it was such an unpleasant memory for me ever since the horrible experience with its cash machines some years ago. I swore I would never go to HSBC again but as fate turned out, I used the HSBC credit card for the pass two years. And now I was standing in front of it.

“Should I give it a try?” I thought, “Probably not.”

I moved on to Natwest. It was not open yet! A group of four or five persons were waiting there. I waited for like, two minutes, and decided that I would go back to HSBC. The bad experience I had yesterday was far more vivid than that with HSBC. A beautiful girl was standing at the reception in HSBC. I greeted her and told her my purpose of coming.

The same script as I heard yesterday went on, “All you need are your passport, your offer letter and the proof of your address.”

“OK, fine, I have them all, now what?” of course I didn’t speak this out. :p

“Please take a seat there and our staff will attend to you shortly”

Soon, a what-look-like-an-Indian girl came to me and gave me a form to fill up. I did it properly, double checked and submitted it to the receptionist.

“That looks pretty good. It normally takes a week to process your application and we will send the card and everything to your home address.” She smiled all the time.

“My home address in … ?!” I was shocked because I thought she was referring to the address in my home country.

“Of course to your address in Muswell Hill.” She smiled even more cheerfully and continued, “It would be silly for us to send it to Malaysia!”

I chuckled and thanked her before I walked out the bank. The wind of fortune had brought me to HSBC again…

2005-02-02T03:30:00.000+08:00

25 Jan, Tuesday: Natwest was driving me nut

A bank account is vital if you want to survive in a big city like this for more than a year. And rumours had it that it was very complicated to open a new bank account in the UK. I believed if I provided them with sufficient documents, it would not create any problem. But I was wrong! Damn wrong! It was what happened that drove me insane.

I took a bus to Angel and walked my way to City University. I had previously called Allison and she told me the confirmation letter of my current address was prepared. So I went to the reception and called Monica, who was in charge of the letter. Without any hassle I got the letter. It looked pretty fine for me and the bank officer at Natwest Aldersgate street branch was also very happy with it. But the problem was that I didn’t bring my passport! Nothing I could do but to go back to Chester House. The idea of travelling to Central London again in the same day sounded crazy. It took some 45 minutes to reach there! This time, an older officer was on duty. I filled up the form and gave him the document. He scrutinised the letter given by my university meticulously, not wanting to miss out even a word.

“What is this Chester House?” he raised his head and asked.

“A hostel.” I answered.

“A hostel, I see.” His voice was monotonous. “Is it a hall of residence provided by the university?”

“Does it make any difference?” I murmured in my heart and then I replied timidly, “No.”

“In this case, it would be extremely difficult to open a bank account in the UK if you are staying in a hostel not provided by the university.”

OK, that’s it! I didn’t need to explain what’s next. I got very frustrated and went home. At dinner time, I told my new friends about my situation.

“How to open an account here? If you ask me.” A Taiwanese who was brought up in Canada said, “The best way to do is to call and swear at them until they give you an account!”

“It isn’t …” I opened my mouth but was butted in before I could finished “a wise thing to do.”

“Yes I bet she’s right!” A Singaporean said.

2005-01-30T01:19:00.000+08:00

24 Jan, Monday: Alaxendra park

Thyr suggested that we played Chess after the dinner. So we moved to the lounge and started playing. The game ended in a strange way, where Thyr suddenly found out that her Queen was facing directly with my King. So she took my King and won the game. Then we went to the gym and were given a brief induction. I was getting really bored in the gym when she told me about a popular park near the hostel.

“It’s Alaxendra Park.” She said softly as usual, “Do you want to go there?”

“You know the direction?” I asked.

“No, let’s find it out! I’ll bring the map.”

It was a bold plan. I meant it was quite unwise to find a place at night. Besides, the weather was horribly cold. With a map in my hand, both of us stepped out the hostel and dare ourselves into a nocturnal adventure. We chatted a lot along the way. She was studying English here and was going to France for post graduate study in Marketing. How cool! She also told me she was lazy to work, and that’s why she chose to further her study (a good reason to study, eh?). We walked for quite a long time but still did not see any park. It looked simple on the map but was in fact complicated. The housing area had many forking roads and there was not road-sign showing the correct directions of the park. Needless to say, we did not manage to find it. I was so exhausted that I slept almost instantly that night.

2005-01-29T16:46:00.000+08:00

24 Jan, Monday: NHS

After my first breakfast in Chester House, I went to the lounge again, hoping to meet more new friends. Luck was still with me. I met a Korean girl, Thyr. She was waiting for Andy to set up her wireless network. Knowing that Andy was coming, I hurried back to my room and brought my laptop. It was when a Chinese girl (I hadn’t met any guys until the next day) joined the internet-set-up group. She was Jin fanli and studying in City Univ. too! She was extremely energetic and friendly to me. It made me recall a girl in UTM: Chiam MoiChoo. The group dispersed shortly as most of them needed to go to school. I then decided to register to the NHS (National Health Service) in a clinic near me. I put on all the bulky clothes, the lips balm, lotion and walked to Rutland House Surgery. I was attended by a female doctor who was very kind to her patient. She asked me a lot of things (unrelated to my health though) and told me she went to Malaysia for her honeymoon 15 years ago. Something I felt uneasy about her was that she kept calling me boy.

“Why did you decide to register to the NHS?” She asked.

“Cuz my friend advise me that I should.” I replied.

“Clever boy!” She exclaimed and I was speechless.

At the end of the examination, she gave me some pamphlets about healthy sex life for boys. I wondered if she gave to everyone who came for NHS registration.

2005-01-27T15:00:00.000+08:00

24 Jan, Monday: The first snow in London

I woke up very early in the next morning, probably was awoken by the freezing air in my room. It was around 5:30am. I went to the pantry to boil some water for the camomile tea I bought yesterday night. Then I walked lazily to the lounge and saw a girl checking emails. I approached her and said hello. She was Marielle from New York. Naturally we started talking about our countries, our schools, etc. Suddenly, I saw some white flakes drifting through the window.

“Marielle, I thought I saw snow out there.” I pointed to the window, not really sure if it was snow because I had never seen it before.

“It’s snowing!” She kind of got excited and both of us scrambled up the computer desk and opened the window. It was the first snow in London! I stretched my hand out to feel it but it was extremely cold that I withdrew my hand immediately. I jumped off the table and rushed to the pay phone. I couldn’t wait to call me parents and sister to tell them what I had just seen. When I got back to the lounge again, another girl was sitting besides Marielle. She was Amanda, also American, but from the west coast of the State. As I grew to know them more, Marielle turned out to be an outgoing person, while Amanda loved to stay at home, reading and writing. Amanda was talkative too; she would talk more than she would eat during breakfast. But I never saw Marielle in the early morning again. Amanda said she went to the pub at night. That explained why I got closer to Amanda now.

2005-01-26T20:00:00.000+08:00

23 Jan, Sunday: To Chester House

It wasn’t long when the plane hit the land and came to a complete stop at five thirty in the morning. As I set my first step on the land of England, the chilly breeze greeted me before any other people did. I was just wearing a shirt and a pair of jeans at the moment; I slipped on the brown jumper from my handy luggage. I strode all the way to the emigration and underwent the chest check before I reached the arrival hall of Heathrow Airport. The whole process took less than an hour. Chinaik came at 8:30am as he had promised by email. He had changed a bit since the last time I saw him; he was now keeping moustache and that made him look more mature than ever. Without many words, we made our way to the tube station (quite a long walk), purchased a one-day travel card and took the train to Bounds Green. I was informed that the weather in London that day was 2 degree Celsius but I did not feel cold before I got out the tube station and exposed myself in the open air. The wind was practically piercing into my skin! My neck was so cold, as cold as frost; my hands were freezing and they instinctively found their way into the pocket.

“Let’s move to the bus station out there” Chinaik said, puffing vapour in the air.

I quickly put on the winter jacket and rushed across the road, where the bus station was. The red double decker came almost instantly and brought me to Chester House. Chester House looked much better than the photos I saw in its website. There were many trees whose leaves had fallen, well kept lawn and more importantly the cosy and spacious rooms. The lady who had been communicating with me through emails welcomed me in the office and gave me a short briefing about the hostel. After dislodging the bulky luggage, Chinaik and I embarked on a short trip to Central London. In fact, I was extremely tired after the long and boring flight, but was insistent to carry on. I couldn’t just turn down Chinaik’s generous offer to bring me around the city, could I? Anyway, I forgot almost everything I saw on that day; I remembered some parks, a gallery, and yes China town. I was so weary, I wanted a rest…

2005-01-25T05:52:00.000+08:00

23 Jan, Sunday: The flight

I don’t know how I should resume my blog, for what had happened in these few days can hardly be told in an organised way. A thousand of feelings is awaiting to be squeezed in a small one page of ms word, lest it gets too long and boring to be read. Perhaps the flight was where everything got started. Not-so-pleasant flight it was; the narrow space between seats brought to me the most horrible travelling experience. In compensation to this, the food was not as bad as what has been rumoured by some people. Just I wonder why certain people think taking a flight is interesting. Maybe they are rich and stay comfortably in first class seat, stretching their legs as far as they can (I wish I could too!). Overall, the flight wasn’t that bad. At least I met two nice girls; a Spanish and a British who works in Spain. They told me a lot about their visits to many different countries. I kind of envied them especially the British as based on my observation, she can’t be older than 22 (and she is really beautiful!). We did not talk much after the “light supper” (which made me so full), as I tried to soothe myself into slumber. It was not a successful effort though I managed to sleep for what seemed like 5 hours. When I woke up, I was almost in London.

2005-01-19T14:55:00.000+08:00

Phone hanger

I enjoyed spending some time in the evening at the gift shop. It was a small but full of myriad cute little thingies. The phone hanger section was especially interesting for me, as I wasn’t rich enough to change my mobile phone regularly (wish I could!). When I got bored of it, I would try to dress it up with some ornaments. Lately there were quite some kinds of “soft phone hanger” in the shop. They were basically a small soft toy of different shapes – ranging from various animals to some abstract designs – hanging on your phone. I bought a yellow chick, a heart shape, a blue dolphin and a bear with autumn wear. Now I have the cute yellow chick on my phone; she looks so innocent, staring blankly at any direction whenever I look at her. I love them so much.

jim_19012005

2005-01-18T10:27:00.000+08:00

A can of coke

There is no wave without wind;
There is no virtue without sin.
There is no fortune without adversity;
Without failure, what success is?

I wanted to buy the incredible VCD. My sis had not watched it yet, and after my persuasion and brainwashing (exaggerated how interesting the movie was), she become so thirst for the movie. Last Friday night, we went to the one and only VCD shop and were so disappointed that the original VCD was not out yet. When we walked out the shop, an evil thought crept into our brain: was he selling pirated one?? But we did not ask further at the same night. Some sort of conscience restrained us from buying the pirated one, since genuine VCD was nowadays quite affordable for me. But I will still go for piracy if it comes to DVD for no other reason, but its impossibly exorbitant price. I am always wondering why original CD is sold in the US for USD10, but RM40 in Malaysia, when we can get a can of coke for only RM1. If intellectual property stuff is an issue, why won’t they charge the intellectual property on the coke so that it costs rm10? No answer…

jim_18012005

2005-01-17T08:56:00.000+08:00

I am not your toy

Here she starts nagging again…
How long can I endure this?
At most for a week,
What a relief!

Over-concern is the word;
The anxiety over a sneeze
Has gone too far
The normal boundary.
How long can I endure this?

I am always bound
By her expectation on me.
Too much pressure
I have but to shoulder.
Whatever I want to do
Is constrained by her fantasy.

Most of the time
I care about her more than myself;
Like a bird locked in a cage,
With a lot of dream
Awaiting to achieve.
But for her confinement
I am unable to soar!
I don’t want to be bound
By her selfishness!

She gets pleasure from
My little performance in the cage.
I have to sing
Whenever she want to listen.
My feeling is far less
Significant than hers.

I do not want to be moulded
By her vanity;
And be someone I hate to be.
Her intense care means
Her total control over me
I rebel, I rebel!

An ideal me is what she wishes
At the cost of my worry.
She always peeps into my future
And tell me what they see!
I am overwhelmed mentally.
For some minutes
Ignore me please!

To release my strain
Is what I long for!
Sometimes I wonder
If I should flee imprisonment
And return no more.
I am wondering…

jim_16012005

2005-01-15T10:48:00.000+08:00

Mail delivery

I keep pursuing
Every minute and second in my life.
Isn’t it absurd
When your are my only aspiration?

I keep pursuing
Every necessity in my life,
When I no longer need it.
Owning you is different even being ordinary.

Adapted from the lyrics of zhui (Yongbang)

Mail delivery came unpredictably yesterday morning when the postman was bringing a small parcel, awaiting my signature. I was puzzled, for who would be sending me this at this time and more importantly what was inside it? The puzzle was solved instantly when I recalled my chatting with Lijin in yahoo messenger the other day, regarding Maori’s lucky gloves she bought for me during her visit to New Zealand. It turned out that the parcel contained also a small bottle of chocolate cookie she made. It tasted sweet, both in my heart and on my tongue. This delivery also reminded me of another mail I received from her, a letter full of hopes. Well, you can’t see “hopes” with your naked eyes, can you? It is thus physically an empty envelope if you open it, but is full of hope when I open it (he he). Thank you very much.

jim_15012005

2005-01-14T09:11:00.000+08:00

Smaller town, extended time

I never realised Pantai Remis is such a small town. Riding a motorbike, one can cruise through the entire town within 10 minutes (might be less?). Everything seems to be so near my house. It takes me only two minutes to reach the dentist, and about the same time to the miniature-supermarket.

When I am living in this little town, time becomes longer; I seriously doubt if there are more than 24 hours a day! When I was working in Kuala Lumpur, I spent at least 20 minutes to arrive in my company and a terrifying one hour to Multimedia University, where I completed my master’s degree. Deducting the time spent on travelling, there wasn’t much time left for my living.

I never like travelling in a vehicle; for me it is a waste of life. I could do nothing but to pay full attention on the traffic while I was trapped in the super-massive traffic (forgive me for being ignorant. I know the traffic in KL isn’t that bad, but it is the worst I’ve experienced so far). To aggravate the situation, some drivers speeded along the road like they owned it; some slipped and slid through every possible gap in the queue of cars. It was at first really irritating to see this bunch of irresponsible lots, but as I grew to get used to them, I started to pick up their bad behaviour. A speed penalty did teach me a lesson to respect the others.

Now back to Pantai Remis; honestly there is no need to accelerate your vehicle to more than 40 km/h. Especially in the morning, when gentle breeze is caressing my face, I enjoy riding on my Yamaha at a snail-like velocity, savouring the tranquil morning of a little fishing village.

jim_14012005

2005-01-13T09:09:00.000+08:00

The menace of the dentist

Why has God given teeth to us? Is it to remind us how fragile we are? My science teacher once told me teeth are made of calcium, and thus are one of the toughest parts of our body (correct me if I am wrong). But reality tells me that teeth are just vulnerable! This explains why our dearest dentists always bug us to see them every half a year to have an examination. Other parts of my body certainly don’t seem to need susceptible care like this (you won’t have your brain checked every half a year, would you?)! OK, enough bullshit. As you might have guessed it, I was going to see my precious dentist this morning. You can’t imagine how much money they make each month. I had but to climb up from my enticingly warm bed early in the morning to make an appointment at the clinic. YES, no telephone or online reservation whatsoever! Pathetic! It sounded like I was trying my best to put myself in the menace of the dentist.

jim_13012005

For my sister who turns 19 on 13 Jan 2005

A droplet of tear rolled across thy cheek
Leaving an indelible trail;
The endurance of life thou experienced
Imprinted a perpetual trace.

Thou wert once a blissful child
With dreams that travel’d miles and miles;
Thou grew as a full-grown man,
Entomb’d thy dreams in slumber land

jim_27122004

2005-01-12T09:47:00.000+08:00

Wednesday Morning

7 o’clock in the morning –
I was awakened by a soft tap on the door,
Unwilling to bid my cosy bed goodbye.
It was dark and chill outside
When I drove my car out with my mum.

Soon the unloved sun woke up
And cast the heat toward the earth.
The change of temperature
Took place within an hour.

I went home before eight thirty
Just to realise the sun was asleep again.
... ...

jim_12012005

2005-01-11T10:51:00.000+08:00

My Truman show

Alone, He sailed the seven seas to experience the real meaning of life.

The journey indeed painted a colourful page in his life. There was time when the sea was placid; it seemed to be lying idly at the horizon, not even bothered to breathe. Sometimes, it got very grumpy; consuming everything passed through it.

A mix of feeling whirled in his heart when he was finally reaching the end of his last voyage in the seventh sea. He was excited and almost screamed “I am now the man of wisdom, for I’ve travelled the seven seas and experienced every up and down of life!” when his shabby raft knocked on something and stopped abruptly. He almost fell, but managed to balance himself. He studied the water around him but saw nothing that might have stopped his raft. He had fought back the ambush of sea monsters and the power of natural forces throughout his voyage; nothing was going to stop him now. He swung the oar as hard as he could, but did not advance even an inch. “Nothing is going to stop me now!” He hit the water furiously. The sea splashed water toward him and drenched him to his skin. Indeed, “nothing” was stopping him now.

Suddenly he thought he saw a knob hanging in the air. He rubbed his eyes a couple of times, in case he was getting to tired and saw hallucination. Slowly he opened his eyes again; the knob was still there, shinning under the scorching sun.
He stretched his hand and reached for the golden knob. It was solidly real. He tried to move his free hand forward and to his surprise, his hand was stopped at the space where the knob was. It was rather sure that he was facing a door, something not inscribed in any literature he read about the sea. He turned the knob and a door immediately appeared out of nowhere. He was both puzzled and intimidated by the unknown. The door cracked open. He craned his neck to see what was inside through the small opening of the door. The interior was dimly lit. He decided to examine the mysterious place further. Timidly he stepped over the threshold of the door. When he set his both feet in the place, thousand of spotlights shot toward him. He was dreadfully astonished to see a human-like silhouette before his very eyes which were so painful, being unable to accommodate to the sudden luminosity change.

“Welcome to our studio.” a man’s voice vibrated his eardrum. The best thing he could do now was to stand still and listen.

“This is where we observe, record and make stories of your world out there” The voice continued, “and I am the director of this show.”

He was feeling so stupid now. He thought he had seen everything human kind could reach but in fact had only been living in a micro-world created by those story makers for their pastime.

Inspired by the Truman Show, narrated by Koktong.

jim_11012005

Two weeks to go

2005-01-10T15:15:00.000+08:00

Two weeks to go

Another brand new week! Well, I prefer to count Monday as the first day of a week, mind you. As early as 8am (it was considered early for someone on holiday like me), I went to post office to settle monthly maintenance fees and renew my driving license. Lucky, I got 5 year renewal! Heard some rumours about the forever-idiot government’s intention to limit the renewal to 1 year for a stupid reason; to curb road accidents. Can’t really stop this from happening as long as they are roads in the country, can they? Forget about it, I spent the morning cleaning up my stuff; all my stuff seems to consist of only book, book and book. And they were damn heavy and dusty. I just simply stuffed all original books in the boxes and threw away all photocopy versions. Tired…..

jim_10012005

2005-01-09T09:08:00.000+08:00

My life’s intermezzo

I talked to you last night. It seemed that you were also caught in the wave of struggle; for you’d chosen a rougher path from the beginning. Blaming no one, you should trudge through the journey, and bring it to a happy ending. It’s never easy to live a good life, even it is quite a “safe” one. More often than not, a safe journey is interpreted as boredom, dullness, indifference and apathy. Some people are too comfortable with their life that they can’t afford a single change. Some people are so concerned about everything surrounding them that they do not dare to risk their so-called good life by taking up a little challenge, no matter how small it is.

I am by no mean leading a special life. Every yesterday goes as dull as every today comes. However, I sometimes mischievously jump out the monotonic circle of life, prank myself up and become a one-day joker. It does spice up my life a little bit, just a little bit…

jim_09012005

2005-01-08T20:09:00.000+08:00

Our Stories

How long could I be staying with you?
How could I reverse the flow of time?
I shall cherish every single moment.

I’m not willing to set loose our tight grasp.
The flight at midnight is waiting for me.
I know I must not allow my tears roll,
And that I should go.

Remember,

Our stories are not to be forgotten,
For they are our memories and hopes.
No matter how mad they are,
I’m willing to keep them forever.

Our stories are not to be forgotten,
For they will move on to different plots.
Do not give up,
For someday fate shall piece them all together.

Original texts: the lyrics of women de gushi (Tension)

It is not a new song. When I listened for the first time quite some years ago, it didn’t make much sense to me. “Not a bad song.” I thought. Great melody, so-called acapella style and written by a great musician Taozhe. I just happened to listen to women de gushi again some days ago with different feeling this time, paying more attention on the lyrics. The lyrics were written with very simple language, but conveyed a great deal of meaning, that described my situation I was facing now. Therefore, I would like to share it with you here. I tried my best to translate it so that the English version could also be sung with the same melody. It was not very successful, but you could try it if you know this song.

jim_08012005

2005-01-07T14:12:00.000+08:00

Courage

Have you cast a spell on me?
The spell of lust and carnality.
Would you tell me then,
What have happened is nothing
But a dream within
My wandering fantasy.

We are trapped in the cobweb
Spun by a giant arachnid –
Called consciousness –
Who sucks up our spirits
Bits by bits;
Who veils our true identities,
Till the day when we lose ourselves.

Homes are just within our visibility
Yet returning is far beyond our grip.
For going back without souls
Means nothing more than
Not to turn back at all.

You and I are poor souls
Incarcerated in the monster’s den;
A huge den indeed,
In which I am kept in a secluded chamber
And not allowed to meet the others.
I resist the viscidity,
But to escape I am too weak.

Today you manage to flee.
You come to me
And tell your stories;
How you fight and kill enemies,
How you find the crested key,
How you want me to get free
From those hideous giant beasts!

Your words cast a spell on me, I swear!
But I am lack of courage!
I am always living in the shadow,
Like a pet in a cage.

“Please endow me with courage!”
Not for the first time, I screamed.
The giant monster has got used to it
And pays no attention to me.

Your hand sags on my shoulder,
“You I shall endow”
Bellow you, as your hand moves down
To my chest.
“With courage!”

And yes I am
Endowed with courage.
But Yet I am
Still trapped
Forever in the den.

jim_07012005

2005-01-06T13:20:00.000+08:00

A boring and an exciting journey: which do you want?

I was finally back to my hometown. This time, I was the only driver. I was used to drive alternately with Sean, sending him to Taiping, before reaching Pantai Remis.

I had to say sorry to Sean for not being able to take him, because my car was fully stuffed with my “two-year collection”. Yet, I was not alone – not always – my mum was with me; and as usual, she kept nagging besides my ears about almost anyone, ranging from her own sons to someone’s sons; from her own daughter to someone’s daughters; from someone she knows inside-out to someone she doesn’t even meet once a year.

The whole journey was just as boring and as dull as one could imagine. However, I wouldn’t want anything “exciting” to happen, would I? What could be better than a boring journey, as long as I could reach my destination safe and sound? Surely not many among us want an exciting but perilous voyage, where the arrival to the goal is uncertain? Which paths should I choose? I almost dozed along the way home…

jim_06012005

2005-01-05T11:01:00.000+08:00

Brave myself and fight my way from Heahtrow to Bounds Green!

It was another resting day in Kuala Lumpur. Wasn’t I supposed to be in Pantai Remis, my hometown?

Chinaik’s email reached my mail box with expected contents. Indeed, it is too selfish to ask him fetch me at the airport at such an unearthly time. He is already kind enough to give me a helping hand at the place completely foreign to me in every sense of word. I really need to pull myself together before I depart. The internet would be of great help, and so I started browsing some transportation websites in London. Within seconds, the flashing colourful lights of some complicated maps fall into my iris. I will be dumped in a strange place with no help but those inconceivable maps? An icy tingle of fear pierced into my stomach. But soon it dissipated.

Why should I fear? I should brave myself! Just do it without hesitation!

Without hesitation, I shall embrace (the challenges);
Without hesitation, I shall await (the chances).
Without hesitation, I shall attempt (all possibilities);
Without hesitation, I shall attain (the feelings).

Appreciate everything life has given to me, I shall!
For each happening in this world makes me myself.

Original texts: the lyrics of tongkuai (S.H.E.)

jim_05012005

2005-01-04T10:57:00.000+08:00

Being Sick

When a wave of dizziness and sickness engulfed my whole body, I lied solemnly on my back, watching blankly on each blade of the whirling fan. The surrounding became much quieter and even more pleasant. How could it be? Slowly I aroused and stood weakly on my feet.

“I’m supposed to be going home by this time”, I talked to myself, and strolled out the room, not even bothered to close the door.

Everything seemed to move at a very slow pace; the alarm clock ticked dully on the desk; the LED of the modem blinked monotonously; while I walked laboriously down stair to fetch my breakfast. The bread was garnished with a chocolate spiral, topped with raisin. I quickly took a small bite; the lingering taste of the bitter syrup I took previously made the meager breakfast of bread and plain water particularly tasty. After I filled my stomach, I decided to get back to my room, probably spend my whole Tuesday observing the passing of a day.

jim_04012005

2005-01-03T09:45:00.000+08:00

Squid’s Diary

I woke up and found myself on a familiar bed;
Facing me was an unfamiliar day.

Monday blue did not loom on the day of gloom.
I knew from this moment;
“Nothing’s goin’ to be the same again.”

This morning, I busied myself in the room, packing up my stuff, before I headed back for my hometown. A lot of tiny thingies in the past rolled into my eyes. Two years was not particularly long for me; nor was it short. One couldn’t imagine how many little memories were forgotten as soon as they were created in such a short period of time. Artifacts, or those thingies, were a good place in which dead memories find themselves comfortable to dwell. A photo album was of course, the holy shrine for them.

I picked up the only photo album which I could hold in hand. I paused and my mind wandered. Throughout these years, the inventors of digital widgets had practically murdered most printed artifacts, had they not? Those poor memories had but to hide themselves in the virtual world, longing for gentle touches from their owners.

I flipped through the album and invigorated those memories. For a moment, they became alive. I watched them leap and sprint from pages to pages. Gently I touched them and felt the warmth of being alive. I paused, before I locked them in the album again.

I knew one should not live in the past; I should move on now.

jim_03012005

2005-01-02T08:19:00.000+08:00

The Bigs Shrink

Some years ago,
When I was just a simple kid,
I traveled two miles to my school.
In my little head I thought,
It was such a long journey!

Some years ago,
When I was a sophomore,
On my bike I rode,
And chased along the six mile road
In my little head I thought,
It was such a long journey!

As I grew,
Those distances were no longer remote.
For I soon would embark
On a much farther path –
The destination of which is yet to know.

As I move on to the forth,
Things get tinier in my thought.
I shall take a pause
In this weary rush
To appreciate those little things
That brighten my life in the past.

***

I saw your eyes shimmering under the dim light of the room. The atmosphere became tensed as you rubbed your cheek with your pale hand, and your eyes found me. I tried to avoid your glimpse, but my mind was too feeble to do so. I searched for the best word to break the icy situation.

“We’ll meet again soon, will we not?” I believed I did smile as I spoke jokingly.

You smiled back; for a split second, I swore I heard your eyes saying something.

Something sounded like “Yes, we shall”.

jim_02012005

2004-12-28T21:42:00.000+08:00

Thy Vengeance

A wave of misfortune battered the shore of our serene homes –
Playing the tune of death, washing away many souls.

O, such a horrid scene! Yet ‘twas for heaven a beauty.
Thou watched from above this entrancing scene.

O how heartless it was! We cried to the sky
Thou said no word and read us with Thy hallowed eyes

Then came the philosopher to the crowd and shouted:

“Against Thy will, we indulge into flesh and blood
Of this world, which we are too ignorant to concern.
But natural forces shall bring us to justice before Thee!”

jim_28122004